Chapter 6 Dikeledi vs Tebza

Chapter 6 Dikeldi vs Tebza

As walked we walked down to the train station I realised just how deep my plunge was, now me and Dikeledi were stuck in an untenable situation we were both in the dog box, and our dream dates seemed to be slipping away. I was worried about the backlash from Lulu and the distance I may have created between me and Tebza. On the other hand Dikeledi was deeply hurt by Lerato’s act of betrayal, I must admit that I hadn’t even thought past the comment part.

I hadn’t even imagined what I would say to Dikeledi if the plan went south, boy did it go south kapela (fast). I didn’t have the girl, Dikeledi has lost to Tebza and my competitor was sweet talking my girl damn it. At this precise moment I remembered a saying that I had picked up in a hustler magazine or some random trashy magazine, it simply read in big red, bold letters; “when going through hell, just keep walking”. Meaning I was going to have to face the situation head on, anyway what the hell was wrong with being brought together with Dikeledi by fate’s little games!!

But then on the other hand there was Lulu’s wrath. The only way out would be to see through the plan and hope for the best. Dikeledi was putting on a brave face, but clearly the thought of going up against Tebza was daunting coupled with the devastating sting of Lerato’s rejection.

I had to do two things first, as you can imagine this was related closely to my other brain- mission 1- dont waste this opportunity, leroma(a kiss, pitori taal!!) was the least I could out of this mess. That was also going to be a delicate move, ( ps…this doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on getting with Tebza, my schoolboy heart was really pining for my dreamgirl.

Mission 2. Convince “D” (no more need 4 formalities, we were comrades facing a serious fight) oh sorry got a lil side tracked there. Right mission 2, would be to convince D to carry out the charade that would hopefully put us in stronger and restore us to our positions within the social hierachy of school society.

Mission1 was fucken akward to say the least so I decided that it was good to start my journey with that mighty social lubicrant (liquor). Those were the good old days and you could still buy alchohol in your school uniform, without any issues. Dikeledi was hesitant, mara ne go nyiwa blind, the pressurre was on. We both needed to be liberated from the stress of the teenage adventures.

1 Vin coco and R40 later and a quick walk saw us arriving a mike’s place.

Mike was a senior, standard nine boy who was my friend through a very funny situation that occured early in our lives, actually earlier. Mike was the step brother I never knew, as it turn our old man was attending 2 more than blocked drains. our old man ran a chain of plumbing services and was a baller (moneymaker), he started the plumbing service and a was evidently succesful in more than 1 way.

I might as tell you this story, mike is my older brother our parents had never mentioned to us that we had siblings. Turns out my brother has six siblings, his mom was the legit wife at the time. Apparently old man had shacked up with his mistress, while married to the main wife after Mike’s mama. How did we find out, simple, we were carbon copies with a little diffrence in height. Evidently we had the old man’s rugged tswana features. It was harder to deny the connection after he mistook me for his biological brother (Benny). After that we knew something was up. I’ll get into the story a little later on how we confirmed parentage with our parents. So far no1 knew we were related at the time.

Mike was very popular with the chicks ‘man-whore’ was his nickname, of course no one would say to his face except maybe some unhappy conquest/s. For this reason Mike was a God to all the guys in our school.

My heart jumped straight to my throat, I think me and Dikeledi were experiencing the same shock. We were both just standing there gawking at the car parked directly in front of Mike’s house. Shit kevin was here, where were the girls and what hell was Kevin doing here. I wasn’t prepared for this confrontation either with kevin or Tebza, fuck….and now Mike is involved in some way.

I thought things were weird for me, imagine poor Dikeledi who was still hoping to hook up kevin. I had to make a decision and fast, in the end I chose to catch the last train heading out. Me and D sat by the train station and drank the vin coco in silence, it like was playing school boy with alchohol ( puff and pass stunts). By the time the train arrived we were throughly drunk, luckily 1st class wasn’t full.

Making moves on D was nerve wrecking, the kind of thing that make boys quiver. I had no idea where I would start, in a panic I acted as a schoolboy would, I did what made sense to my oversexed and lubricated brain . I stupidly went straight for her privates, which made funnier by the fact that I was sitting accross her in the train. So you can imagine that me reaching out for her wowanhood with and openhand. Never mind that she is fully and that’s the first physical contact I was making. ( Mental note get help from mike)

Luckily for me D wasnt as innocent as she seemed. She helped get my bearings and it was the greatest train ride I’ve taken.

… Mike had been trying to explain to me why blow jobs were so great. I knew what they were and had experienced it twice and it wasn’t really anything to get excited about. Dikeledi really put me onto bjs, I don’t know what she was doing down there, oweeeee all I knew is that it felt like a 10 minute orgasm. she made gloria’s lil bj seem like pouring warm water on my dingaling. This was heaven. I think I fell in love or atleast in Lust with D that day.

I would have loved to have gone all the way but girls have to maintain some exclusivity to keep niggas interested. At that time the winter ball situation seemed a million miles away, Tebza was a distant memory. I guess the dikeledi was still thinking abt the endgame, how things would be if she gave it up.

I walked her home in silence imagining what the backlash would be and what was happening at Mike’s place. I was thinking about all the debauchery I’d witnessed at mike’s place was my Tebza being de flowered aaaarrrggg, my lil heart was a lil sore. Bt I was smiling like an idiot.

I still had to come with a plan to get back to my plan ….. Big mission ahead !!!

Chapter 5 & Character profile: Lerato Shabangu-Grootboom.

Chapter 5 & Character profile: Lerato Shababgu-Grootboom.

Born in tembisa in the early to mid eighties, Lerato Grootboom, was actually Born, Lerato Shabangu at tembisa hospital on a windy and cold night in the middle of august. Ma-shabangu had been up all night trying to trace her husband, Petrus Shabangu who had not returned from his meetings with the youth of the volatile township. She feared for his life, in the 1980’s suspiscion was quickly followed by necklacing ( being burned alive, with tire restricting your arms and your torso while you burn to a crisp) this punishment was not meted out by any court, four hostel dwellers, constituted a court in the streets, justice is swift and without mercy. Ma-shabangu was about seven months pregnant on the night that she ventured out of vusimuzi section’s railways to find her radical husband.

Petrus was extraordinary by many accounts, he was said to have returned from John Vorster police barracks twice, both via the hospital’s head trauma and internal bleeding section. Be kwi ndoda eqinile, a hard man indeed, he was one of those patriots who was ignited by the thought of freedom and not political alliance. By virtue of neutrality he lived a dangerous and watched life. He was called upon at a time that,when many innocent people were being slautered on trains on the way home from tiresome work, more often than not paying slave wages.

Petrus was able to stand hobbling from side to side to keep balance and focus, his second exit out John Vorster was exhaustive and had taken all the life and stength he had to survive. He was a destroyed figure of a man, his back would never be straight again, his walk would never be proud again. The stylish petrus shabangu, was now a hobbled and scarred cripple, reliant on sticks to hold himself up.

But still here he stood in front of these cowardly animals who saw themselves as political leaders, he despised these little rascals, hotheads who were being used by the securiry branch to fuel terror and fear in the townships. Was there ever any plausible and practical reason for two black organizations to be at each other’s throats, while the enemy state still controlled all the levers of power.

Petrus was not an man of many words, his invitation had not come from the young leaders, it had come from senior party cadres, who were hoping that Petrus, the legend could make the both sides see eye to eye.
Standing at the center of the meeting, a small house off main road, sangweni section( there were no street names then, bantu education, didn’t require us to be able to give directions, he he he!! I can laugh but its a serious, impediment and deprivation of humity 2 be without education in a time of new discoveries and new ideas. This country still suffers today as a result.)

Okay bad place to joke, back to the profile, I’m getting to lerato,” chillax dude” as my lil sister would say….

Petrus never chose sides he erred on the side of right, not righteous, just right- As in oppressing or killing people was wrong, no reason required or justified. What noone knew was that his aunt her daughter, his beloved uncle Joe who also had not chosen sides and were simply on their way home, when the train was attacked by 8 cowards who had entered the trains at Germiston, 16 people died in that coach, some people tossed themselves out of the windows. It was complete bloodbath, women and children everywhere, lying dead, bodies covered in blood and riddled with ak 47 rounds.

How does this connect to lerato? You ask, simply put this was the precursor to her birth.

When Ma-shabangu arrived at the meeting house, what awaited he confirmed her worst fears, as she neared the house. She had seen smoke and amber lights in the distance. The meeting house was on fire, neighbors and passing strangers tried in vain to extinguish the flames that had engulfed the house. The police and fire-truck had not arrived on the scene, it wasn’t too much of a concern to them then.

The scene was complete chaos, the people who had been outside never knew what hit them. One minute there is a humming of muted conversation and the next there was a loud explosion and the house was covered in flames immediately. Doors were blown wide open, so noone could understand why the 10 or so men did run out after the blast.

Only Ma-shabangu knew that reason, she was struck with complete horror, she realised that Petrus had actually taken his key to the weapon case kept in another yard down the road. And on his return he had absent mindedly left the coat in the kitchen, what she discovered corroborated the police investigation, a hand grenade had exploded near a large fuel canister inside the house.

Petrus had taken his revenge and in full, he was disgusted and torn because these animals that killed his aunt and uncle. Had been sparred the hangman’s rope because he refused to talk and inturn took beatings that literally tore the life out of him. A brave dark and big man had been reduced to a hobbling cripple, for what, animals that kill innocent people.

Unfortunately our actions don’t only affect us, the act, robbed Lerato, of her biological parents. Ma-shabangu suffered a mild heart attack and hung onjust long enough for an c-section at tembisa hospital.

Born into chaos and disparity, Lerato was never to know her parents, no relative ever came to claim her, no callers ever asked about her mother. Her name was given to her by a kind nurse, Mevrou Bertie Grootboom. Bertie was a large and jovial coloured lady who was married to a xhosa man from transkei, Xolile. Xolile or X as he was known, was the one that taught lerato how to read people and situations, he was a kleva, never had a real job in his life. Bertie on the other hand was an old warhorse, she handed out beatings at the drop of spottie (hat). In her neighbourhood, esiziba be bam biza uchesa mpama. Thrashing her husband was a weekly ritual, he would go out and inevitably come back completely wasted, some weekends he behaved but, on the days he would demand some ass (sex), Bertie would hand him his ass quickly, she wasn’t a fair fighter, she used anything and everything when she fought. Lerato had learnt a lot off moves.

Given that Lerato was a big girl, if that wasn’t enough she very dark, you could hardly call her ugly, but she wasn’t hot either. She was a 4 by all acounts. Little kids are cruel but they quickly learnt, that Lerato wasnt the person you want to direct insults and jokes towards.

When she was born, the doctor said she was a fighter, boy was he right. She born two months shy of 9 months despite this she developed normally like any child. Its seemed that she was doubling in size every year, by the time she left primary school she weighed 70 kg and that’s massive for 13 year old.

Primary school was an especially difficult, “fatty boom boom” as sort of her unofficial name and what called her in the presence of trusted friends, otherwise “otla bona masepa ka pila’ you could find yourself in a sticky situation.

Freda claasen was a sexy and leggy, afrikaans girl in primary school,@ 14 she was a real stunner, xena type body( Kaptein van die onder 15 span), an amazon with deep black and long hair, her eyes almost sparkled despite being black as night. As primary politics go, the popular girls normally run shit as in they are often looked at as role models by lesser beings, Freda was a proud girl and quick with her tongue too. During a heated argument with friends she decided to showout and use lerato as an example of fat girl. In fairness It was honest assessment bt this was primary school emotions run deep n news fly.

By the way this is how Tebza spotted Lerato, Lerato had been a quite the docile type although she was queen in the hood, she struggled at school and she was self concious about her coloured afrikaans accent, which was a little odd on big , dark girl. It was Tebza, who got wind of the comment, she started by belittling Lerato and telliing hw disappointed at the fact that she allowing this white girl,gore a dlalle modimo gagao.( Allowing the white mess with) As the broken telephone goes…Freda’s words had been twisted and added 2, by the time it got Lerato, freda had called her “the fattest black girl I ever seen in my lewe” do remember what I said about tebza, provocative and a master manipulator of note.

This brings us back to the story remember, the mexican stand off between dikeledi and tebza for lerato’s allegiance and loyaltly….

…..Lerato stayed in magagula’s car and they made off into the sunset. …. Why ….you ask yourself……

Lerato never got the chance to smack Freda silly, Tebza had it taken care of….on the eve of the netbaball open challenge for schools, all the netball teams had camped out to ensure that the girls were focused and well rested.

The under 12 team had all stayed together at the senior boarding house. This was the perfect place for tebza to effect serious revenge for the slur on Lerato, she didn’t really care about Lerato her issue was with Freda, she hated being no. 2 to Freda ( being vice captain was nt enough), the fact that Freda was white made even more of a problem.( I’ll explain a lil later)

The night before the opening game, while the girls were eating, at the dining hall, Tebza pretended to need the bathroom, but she made her way to the rooms, the effects of her handiwork had shocked Freda half dead, with shame and embarrassment. Her teammates had laughed so hard that she had quit the team and tournament, the coach had tried so hard not to but she couldn’t her self and also broke down In stitches as soon as Freda left.

Tebza had pulled off the greatest upset in primary, she had injected peroxide into Freda’s moisturiser, which knew Freda would spend at least 20 minutes lavishing her beatiful, long and silky hair, it was a routine, she really loved her hair, she as proud of it. So you can imagine the shock of being woken by snickering laughter, because she looked liked a dirty rat crossed wiith a zebra.
With patches blonde strands and deep black undergrowth of her natural hair

This is how Tebza earned her loyalty from Lerato.

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Chapter 4: preparations for the winter ball

Chapter four: preparations for the winter ball

“Attracting a woman is about nuances and covert activities” another one of Lulu’s bullshit theories, I have no idea where he gets this stuff. Lulu was desperate to succeed, I think he was a driven individual and he really didn’t like failing and was compulsive in his approach.

Lulu plays director and choreographer, he continued to get the right rumours to wrong people, and created such a frenzy at one point, when he inserted a gay porn magazine in the headboy’s locker. Poor guy, the magazine was placed in such a way that it would fall when he opened the locker; some of the pages had been loosened. When the magazine landed pages flew everywhere during after school rush. It was like the scene after Mexico scored against Bafana Bafana in the opening game of the 2010 World cup, all the oxygen was sucked out of this guy, and he was completely paralysed.
I mean what would you do in that situation, he he he, if you pick the magazine up and try to gather the pages, you look hella suspect, option 2 Go into a furious rage, even more suspect there’s really nothing to do. Poor fella never saw it coming reputation straight out the window, no amount of protestation can save you at this point, school kids are not very unforgiving.

Off campus there were new developments, Lulu thought I wasn’t aware that Tebza had some new pursuer somebody off campus and beyond Lulu’s little universe of power. What lulu didn’t count on was my own prowess with the opposite sex, I could feel the gap between me and my Aries as this outsider ran amok. There was nothing to it, I would have to deploy my own strategic strike, the problem was that the success of my strategy relied on the development of a small tiff between Tebza and a certain Ms Dikeledi. One that is not my problem to clean up, I have no contingency for controlling the mayhem that may ensure after I strike.

Outsiders can’t come to a school ball so that buys me one last opportunity to avert any advances from this pursuer once and for all. I put Lulu to sword about keeping the information secret and I told him that, I had enough of his theories, I wanted action pronto, my ultimatum was simple, guarantee me Tebza for the winter ball and I would see to it that everything else falls into place.

Kevin Magagula, rich boy with means to buy any girl he wanted; I’m not saying that he wasn’t a smooth operator. He’s only fault was that he deviated to money as his number one weapon. Magagula was 2 years my senior, by my assessment he was slightly more handsome than me, he had two things on me, one was his age and obvious advantage with impressionable young girls and secondly he had a car, I must admit that one worried me a lot.

Till this point i kept my relationship with Tebza to a limit of one break per week, usually the guys would initiate saucy topics with the standard 7 and 8 girls. It was mostly exploratory engagement, you can never have enough inside information. Of course you can’t read too much into what people say when they are in groups, but it does come in handy in terms of creating the right perception in the mind on your target. You can position yourself as rebellious, wild or just plain cool, informed is good but not as good as cool.

At this particular group session after rugby and netball practice, the race was on to impress, Le Aries, who was beginning to be a lil nonchalant, like we were too young to even impress her, never mind be with her. It was two weeks to the winter ball and Kevin and this outsider were there clear competitors left in the game. The outsider was not a big concern at this point, Mr Magagula was the obvious threat at this point. Always Mr. Smooth he bought all the honeys, tropikas all the guys gave a collective and silent sighs, when he pulled that one. Asshole, always trying make the boys look bad, bastard!. I have to admit that it was a nice move, but I’m not going to spend a whole week work of carry money( lunch for money) in one go, hell no!. Just to rub it in this asshole, has to ruin my plan of pouncing Tebza, by giving her a ride to the train station… Ei san di bloody agent, wan costa.

Things were getting desperate, so I deployed, strike number one and loudly professed that Dikeledi, was looking “mighty fine and hot as hell on the court”. I wasn’t lying, the issue was that the beautifully worded prose, was directed at the wrong Girl, strike two ask Dikeledi if I can walk her to the station. This completely blindsided Tebza, till this point, she was firmly in charge, she was doing all the posing and I was doing all the proposing. I was prepared for war and I was about to crash or fly, all of this depended on the response of Miss Zinto.

He he he Kevin was completely baffled by what had happened, dude was intent on beating me on Tebza score, he wasn’t sure what was happening, his reputation was on the line and he had been firmly focused on Tebza, when i struck. Dikeledi was a gracious and she held out her hand for me to hold while we crossed the street.

Lerato who was already in the car was now a very confused; it was a bit of a Mexican stand-off. Dikeledi was willing Lerato out of the car from the other side of the street, and Tebza was giving Lerato the evil eye watching her closely to work-out what she was going to do next……..

You probably thinking why didn’t I lulu this cat, nope unfortunately for me, Magagula was clean as a whistle.

Let me let you in on a little secret that I have learnt in all of my years consorting with women, The only reason this was happening is that pretty women of all ages are competitive and even though Tebza was the leader of the gang that didn’t mean that Dikeledi was going to accept that she was the prettier of the two. Dikeledi knew her worth and was not going to be out-muscled in the beauty stakes, for her it was either the most wanted boy, Magagula( the bloody bastard) or the top tier on Tebza’s list , me.

Unbeknown to all of us, Dikeledi secretly had a crush on Magagula, and was devastated when he started making advances on Tebza. She figured it was an ego issue between me and Kevin, and that she could woo him towards her by the winter ball. Believe me when I say this is the last comment of this type but “women are truly the chess players- (real playaz), while I thought she was the pawn, she was making a plan to be the queen of Kevin’s life and I was her pawn. So me and Dikeledi were using eachother. To achieve our own objectives. See how sneaky chicks are…..(Just kidding ladies)

I need t tell you about lerato before I tell you what she finally did in that mexican standff…. Look out for her full profile in the next chapter.

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Chapter 3: The Aries

Chapter 3: The Aries

“The Aries’s real name has been changed to protect me okay…”
See Lulu’s plan was based on a simple concept of creating a gang, by arranging a girl gang with him as the leader and main controller. Unfortunately for him, he had missed a big piece of the puzzle…… The Aries, the queen of war, Tebza Zwane. A feisty, long legged dreadlocked sister, a lady of note when the mood takes her, but if you want to see her straatmate side just “cross her “as they say in Pitori. Crossing Ms Zwane was a simple matter, just little things like cheating or getting up to general mischief that she disapproves of, could land you up in hot water.

I think every school had one of these chicks, remember the girl who would jump up the first sign of a fight and start instigating for a slugfest between the mildly infuriated participants, in the original tiff.
She would holler at the weaklings and make them believe he could take the tough guy. She was always in the middle of some fight, we used kind of write her off” like aargh you these Zulus ba qwele o dlame “. I guess all her mental heckling, taught her something because her speciality was influence, she could bring da fire, she is a gifted orator who could inspire confidence in people who way above or below her intelligence levels.

By many accounts she was a leader true leader, captain of the under 17 team at the age of 15, she only trains with the first team, she was overheard telling the coach of the under 16 team, that she had a loser’s attitude and should be fired for her soft and lazy approach to training.

I hope you have the same picture, that I have in mind when I think about Tebza Zwane, I hope you’re not thinking about some larny chick, na Bubu was for real, a Zulu girl from Soweto, she speak the engels via the nostrils if she had to, but she crisp when she spoke Zulu and Tswana. She was a closet zulu when it suited her or a full blown Tswana in swearing war. “Ei ha bare motho warogana , yesus “ This chick could swear your heart black, have ever been sworn at with such vernom that you felt physical pains.

Look if we are ever going to get through this story , im going to have to skimp of the description of Tebza , I really liked her so I go on for another four pages, so back to the story, where were we ? yeahh Lu. Sorry my boss asking for stuff, she likes to pretend that I was joking when i said only come to the office to use the computer.

So Lulu’s plan was coming together Lerato and Dikeledi were taken by his charm and generosity. The problem was simple, those two operated under the direct instruction of Tebza Zwane, the Aries. Lulu knew that his chances of an outright victory in loyalty wars would be near impossible. His path to the top would be embarrassment or partnership of convenience. The first option had the very real possibility of getting out of hand, with Lerato being called in to administer retribution. A partnership on the other hand would very expensive ………something had to give.

In the meantime third term had kicked off with bang; the winter ball was on the way.
You could feel the optimism and romance in the air, being a school boy comes with its limitations you know, the winter ball was quite a treat. Yet it came with its own challenges, the first hurdle as always was getting the chick story sorted among the boys. For obvious reasons some of the guys were not as well versed at seduction being school boys and all, so we had to set the ground rules to avoid squabbles when the dust settles. The ground rules are simple:

Number 1: “she is not your chick until she’s your chick “The most simplest rule on paper but the most complex and most important of them all. No one was allowed to break this rule.

Number 2: “once she’s off your list she’s off your list” This rule follows on the idea of fairness to those guys who were not interested in the top quality merchandise. So the boys who were aiming for the top prize, i.e. Dikeledi and Tebza had to declare their withdrawal from certain races, especially if the girl was below average and one of the other chokers is trying he’s luck out with her.
Once the ground rules are set the weak are cast aside and brute power come into focus, as always I had my inside man thingamabob, Lulu was going to take me all the way , I was resolute , Tebza was mine come hell or high water.

This was going to be a challenge there were other dudes also in the running or wanted to get in on the mix. One of my greatest rivalries had its beginnings here, sideshows were for kiddies Tebza was billed to be my fiercest battle and I was firmly focused on the conquest.
He promised to take me all the way to the land of milk and honey. Lulu’s ingenious plan to weaken Tebza’s grip on her enforcers revolved around my ability to snare the notorious Tebza. Imagine the nerve of this cat, thinking he could use me to drive his agenda.
Well of all of this was easier said than done. Plans were laid out, a strategy was set in motion the competition must be removed or alienated. Lulu, my secret weapon was a master tactician, his motto was simply “you can depend on delicate planning and immaculate timing, everything else including luck is bullshit”.
Lulu had it mapped out like a battle strategy, foes were identified, weaknesses noted. Lulu didn’t miss a beat he even created little profiles and cheat sheets in case I was in a stare down with a foe. The cheat sheet was a guarded playbook with cards of each opponent, almost like a baseball card: strengths and weaknesses, background facts, Lulu was coming in handy.

Thabang Mhinga, the little maggot was first out the blocks as it turns out this matric punk was head of the organising committee and had all the down low on the arrangements and was hoping to be the first to catch, the PHAT little worm that was Tebza. A smart move but unfortunately for him, Lulu had seen him coming, Lulu had noticed his nervous stupidities around Tebza, scratching and talking irrelevant shit and making crazy small talk. (sorry if i sound a little sensitive, this guy o ne angtina blind, spilli , mpimpi ya ndarkie, di mane na re rekisa ko makgoweng, le ithari le ele kante bari e le buysitse. Ha rere Tla! ke mrs Jones , the principle le mpimpi)- im so mad I wont even translate this

Anyway back to the story, so Lulu spots this punk getting ready to strike and like magic! a player card on Thabang emerges from Lulu”s trusted pink von Dutch pouch thing, he carried all the time, ey whatever. So it turns little Thabang you used have a thing for jerky jerky sessions in the girl’s bathroom in his previous school, I don’t even know where Lulu fished out the 4-1-1, but I wasn’t asking questions, nobody was going to ask my Tebza out before me.
Thabang never saw Lulu’s comment coming, one second we discussing some bullshit while wading through the crowds to get to the scene of Thabang’s last moment of integrity. I made towards Tebza under Lulu’s instruction, as I went in for the hug, Lulu rattled on as if we were just discussing the of a story of a certain Thabang from a certain school in Potchchefstroom, who was expelled for lude behaviour, Tebza chirped in that “Thabang is from Potch” and asked Thabang if he knew the story or whether Lulu was just telling more stories. Thabang froze for what seemed like hours, like deer caught in headlights, wide-eyed and stupid all rolled into one school boy’s face.
“Eh this guy ha serious”, Tebza in her ghetto best, I couldn’t stop grinning, joining forces with Lulu was paying off already .
I’ve never seen such a dramatic cough in my life, he coughed like sick dog, he even starting tearing up, in all his confusion he ran into the girls bathroom and a massive roar of laughter went up simultaneously from all the people who had overhead Lulu and witnessed the dramatic cough and Thabang’s eventual demise.

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chapter 2 Lulu blows into town

Chapter Two- Lulu and the gang

I’m not bloody retarded I know I said they were a gang, and so far you have only been introduced to Dikeledi, Lerato and my Aries. (oh by the way ,just make peace with the fact that you will never know the real name of the Aries, the reason simple, she a real person and I can’t afford a lawsuit at this point)

Enter the 4th gang member, Gay Lulu otherwise known as Luyanda Mpinga, or the Gay-Father or the God-fairy, you see as Lulu was a rich boy, one those early BEE brats, he was kind of the gang’s benefactor. He was their chief investment provider, if the girls needed drinks or smokes for parties or school socials, money to buy doctor’s notes etc, Lulu would be the man err!, let’s just say that he was the person to provide the finance. He he he

Lu as he was known before his big reveal, or to put it more accurately his leap out of the closet. Lu was one of the boys, not in the sense that he was popular, he was more the quiet dude, we didn’t even really know what his deal was and to be honest we didn’t really care, Lu was quiet and kept his nose out the gossip circles. Lu for some reason was very popular with the girls, he was like their confessional bishop, Girls found easy to relate to him, he was always surrounded by the prettiest girls in the school; even the older chicks had a thing for Lu’s conversation. Of course this didn’t go unnoticed by the young scheming boys. We saw Lu as the missing link the guy who could get all the information you needed on a potential conquest. Lu was a real inside man, he could get sort of a pre-approval for your mack (mack: informal proposition to a young bird), sort of set the scene and sell the potential suitor to the lady in question, or as we referred to “Luing” the Girls.

Despite his conversational prowess with the ladies, Lu wasn’t really getting any action from all the honeys that swooning for him. Not that I was complaining, I personally believed that Lu was the master of priming, he could get you to landing strip with very little effort.

So you can imagine the f#%^n suprise, when this cat comes up to me after July holidays and bares his soul and confesses his fantasies about Jim, (one, burly white, rugby jock a, real English cat). Turns out this weasel has been homosexual the whole time and was just out to spare himself a beating and now that he had finally put together the perfect defence team in Lerato and the Gang, he was going out the closet.

He said hoped we’d be pals either way. Of course I didn’t say anything, i couldn’t , I was on crazy quest to find myself and had on a self imposed vow of silence. (Note: you can get away with this type shit at a former white school or model C if you want to be PC about it, you get ass kicked by black teachers- you have been warned). There’s something about, being silent that allows people to open up to you, it disarms them allows them come forward easily. Oh, it quite neat trick for getting to know nice honeys, you wouldn’t believe the type shit i used to hear about Judy the science Olympiad and “virgin”.

Okay back to the mysterious Lulu, despite his rich, spoilt exterior Lulu as he now called himself was master tactician, as skilled chess player with a keen sense of reading people. I guess this is a good time to explore the formation of this very odd gang, Lulu’s Angels hehehe….. (and yes you will meet the rest of the girls now)

Lu blew into town in the second semester of STD 6(grade 8 for all you model Cs), this was like May of 99’. He was small bodied but quite athletic looking. He did three disciplines in athletics and played cricket. Shit…. he fit right in, one of the boys. In his confession, he indicated that he had in fact began, bulk up and self defence programmes, when his father had indicated they were moving to Johannesburg. In Cape Town he was accepted and art school, was “Fags galore” (not my words I’m quoting Lulu).He believed that we Joburg pricks were all assholes and he was not going to end up incoma because of being ill prepared.

Step one, of his plan was to infiltrate the “cool kids” gang in both STD 6 and 7 as a form of short term protection. Step two; cultivate a jock persona and be a masculine cat until he was skilled and strong enough to defend himself. Step three; the most dangerous step, was find open minded people or other gay or Bi people on campus.

Of course all this shit went out the window, when victor caught that vicious beating orchestrated by Dikeledi and carried out by Lerato. Lulu the master planner had found a new and faster route to personal freedom.

chapter 1 The trap

Chapter 1 – The Trap

By Lebogang Mukansi

Let’s start with the Aries, she caught me early I must have been 15 years old. She was a 16 year old cougar and a standard ahead of me, hot blooded mama with Bossy attitude. She was the co-leader of the ghetto standard 7 black girl gang, you know them.

Some of the gang members were Lerato the Big girl, the enforcer of the gang, not enough brains to lead the pack even though all of them were as scared of her just like the other standard 6 & 7 boys. Lerato wasn’t just rough she also very sneaky, I seem recall an episode were she suckered a Matric asshole into the girl’s toilet during a school sporting event, athletics or something. Anyway so she baits this fool into the toilet by using sexy Dikeledi as bait. Okay let’s get to Dikeledi so you can get the full picture.

Dikeledi Zinto, I tell you, I could never forget that name even if I wanted to. She was a bit of stunning anomaly, ey Ngwana ka skin sa cheese, (light skinned, or yellow bone). She had deep set eyes that arched as if she was Japanese. You would think her perfectly poised African nose and her tiny lips seem like a contradiction, oh no, not Dikeledi somehow all her features came together to produce one of the most stunning faces I ever had the pleasure of seeing. I’m not even try to front this girl was hot; we all took tissues to the netball courts, to keep the drool in check. Being her boyfriend was a complete nightmare, guys would come from other high schools to try their luck, and you were constantly in a fight, because some guy wants to take your place.

Okay now back to the story , The point is that no one was going to resist the chance to be alone with Dikeledi, Mr Asshole, Victor had no chance, and resistance is just futile when you’re dealing Dikeledi. Obviously Victor had forgotten that he had slapped around some arrogant little standard six boy, which is pretty much acceptable, unless the kid happens to be the brother to Dikeledi’s protector, pimp, friend and body guard, Big Lerato. Poor victor had made the mistake of hazing this loud little punk, of course in my day we used the less acceptable term “initiating”.

So Victor is on cloud nine, after spending his entire week’s allowance on Dikeledi and the Gang in exchange for 30 minutes over two break periods with Dikeledi. So the trap was set, Dikeledi was going to lure the unwitting victim into the Girl’s loo, his horny ass never even stopped to calculate the risks of being caught in that particular toilet.

What happened in that Pretoria high school, girl’s toilet was legendary, the stuff that make high school myths and legends. I mean this was not the average case of a high school girl being bad, it wasn’t just embarrassing boy, or sexual blackmail by claiming to be 15 years, so that they can extort phones out of the snared sugar daddy.

To get into the toilet the two prospective lovers ( of course this is only in the mind of Victor, to Dikeledi this was simply playing out the act 1 of her carefully laid plan) have to navigate the around the prefect room, which of course is Snitch central, luckily all snitches are required to be on duty during school events. The prefect who was assigned, scratch that- the only prefect to volunteer for the bathroom smoker’s watch was owned by Big Lerato. She was not going to make a fuss if she knew what was good for her. So with the consent of the silent accomplice, the two slipped into the girl’s toilet. (And I’m fairly certain, that in all the euphoria of teen hormones, he failed to notice the assessors table was close to the toilet windows)

The rest as they say is history…………….and that the truth of that story lies somewhere in between the two unofficial versions or rumours ( whatever suits you delicate tastes)

Story one: is pretty straight forward Victor arrives in the bathroom, gets oh a little hot and heavy with Dikeledi, who gets him to strip, just before the whole gang of girls spring out the cubicles and beat the crap out of Victor, end of story

Story two: is the legend maker, this story has been retold so many times, I’m sure I wouldn’t recognise the 2009 version. The conception and planning were immaculate; preparation had happened in under a week, as he waltzed in Victor wasn’t bum-rushed by 7 chicks who intend to kick him to pieces, his demise was going to be deliberate clear and un-chaotic, he was going to remember who, and what was happening to him. Somehow Dikeledi had discovered that beneath the pretty exterior, she was a shrewd strategist, she’s obsessed with detail and motive.
The silent source later told the story as follows after she found herself compromised by her drinking habits and her heavy sexual needs. She tells the story as follows:

”So Victor walks into a seemingly empty, bathroom with Dikeledi in tow, she directs him towards the last cubicle and the furthest end of the bathroom away from the door and towards the windows and the noise of the events occurring outside. As he reaches the far wall, Dikeledi tells him that she hears something; she’s going to check goes to check out the noise, and suddenly she’s a bit panicky and tells Victor that she sees the school principle and she seems to be sitting near the bathroom window with the assessors. At the first sight of Victor’s panic, Dikeledi pressed on and announced Lerato with little whistle, Lerato steps out of the last cubicle looking menacing and she seemed to seething about something. Poor Victor had just heard that it was little Lerato that he bullied during the initiation phase.

The source is now at the door and can’t help peeping to see what the action is like. She says without missing a beat Dikeledi, whispered something into Victor’s ear for about a steady minute, she says she could see his expression rapidly deteriorate with every word, he flinched and the tears started to roll as hear became aware of the situation, at this point the source is positively puzzled, because Victor is known as a tough guy and is quick to disburse a firm slap on the school grounds. ( I do realise that you have not been fully appraised on Victor’s background but, that another story altogether, let’s just say, he was your run of the mill bully and all round asshole)

The next time the source peered in Victor was silently taking a beating from Nasty Lerato, who was viciously thrashing Victor with a sock stuffed with Sunlight (the green bar). To the source’s suprise, Victor was taking the beating without a fuss or the least a fight; she says he seemed to be biting on something to avoid crying out in pain, every time Lerato brought down the heavy bar soap laden sock. She says the beating continued for a full 10 minutes until Victor lay bleeding from his face and head, Lerato stood her victim, breathing like an Ox that has just heaved a big load. Victor later scurried out of the bathroom, like a whimpering puppy, he didn’t say anything to anyone, and he left his bag and quickly disappeared from the school premises.

And that bring us to the Aries connection, although the story was an open secret, the actual words that Dikeledi had whispered into Victor’s ears remained a mystery. A mystery that was only going to be solved by my Aries connection, my inside woman as it were. After a steamy session on Sunday morning when her parents were away, she laid it on me, because she wanted us to have no secrets blah blah, some drivel about my heart is pure if I tell you all my secrets and more high school girl talk.

When she finally laid on me, I was in complete disbelieve, let me quote the delectable Dikeledi’s sweet words as they poured into Victor’s ears : “Victor, my love unfortunately you fucked up, your penis and your little ego have set you up, this is trap my love, and its one you walked right into. I don’t care whether you know whether you know what you did or not , the bottom-line is that you are either going to take the beating of your life from Lerato or your are going to be expelled and arrested for trying to rape me, Lerato will swear in court that you tried to rape me and she saved me. The choice is yours, ruin your life and your high school career right at its pinnacle or face the wrath of Lerato. If you even try to open your dirty little mouth, the rape case is back on, Get on your knees you fucken dog, Lerato beta Ntja e, rebone gore etla wobula! (Lerato beat this dog; let’s see if it will bark”

Moral of the story “don’t fuck with bad high school girls” watch out punks and sugar daddies.

My blog book

I’m Lebo Mukansi, this is my first blog book. I’m writing the entire thing on my blackberry.

This is a creative recollection of the frivilous habits of a young man growing up in the late 90’s in pretoria and jhb.

Please share this book and send the link the your friends and family.

The characters are not based on any real person alive or deceased.

You can contribute please feel free comment on the characters, leave a comment or email me on papaleano@gmail.com