Chapter 3: The Aries

“The Aries’s real name has been changed to protect me okay…”
See Lulu’s plan was based on a simple concept of creating a gang, by arranging a girl gang with him as the leader and main controller. Unfortunately for him, he had missed a big piece of the puzzle…… The Aries, the queen of war, Tebza Zwane. A feisty, long legged dreadlocked sister, a lady of note when the mood takes her, but if you want to see her straatmate side just “cross her “as they say in Pitori. Crossing Ms Zwane was a simple matter, just little things like cheating or getting up to general mischief that she disapproves of, could land you up in hot water.

I think every school had one of these chicks, remember the girl who would jump up the first sign of a fight and start instigating for a slugfest between the mildly infuriated participants, in the original tiff.
She would holler at the weaklings and make them believe he could take the tough guy. She was always in the middle of some fight, we used kind of write her off” like aargh you these Zulus ba qwele o dlame “. I guess all her mental heckling, taught her something because her speciality was influence, she could bring da fire, she is a gifted orator who could inspire confidence in people who way above or below her intelligence levels.

By many accounts she was a leader true leader, captain of the under 17 team at the age of 15, she only trains with the first team, she was overheard telling the coach of the under 16 team, that she had a loser’s attitude and should be fired for her soft and lazy approach to training.

I hope you have the same picture, that I have in mind when I think about Tebza Zwane, I hope you’re not thinking about some larny chick, na Bubu was for real, a Zulu girl from Soweto, she speak the engels via the nostrils if she had to, but she crisp when she spoke Zulu and Tswana. She was a closet zulu when it suited her or a full blown Tswana in swearing war. “Ei ha bare motho warogana , yesus “ This chick could swear your heart black, have ever been sworn at with such vernom that you felt physical pains.

Look if we are ever going to get through this story , im going to have to skimp of the description of Tebza , I really liked her so I go on for another four pages, so back to the story, where were we ? yeahh Lu. Sorry my boss asking for stuff, she likes to pretend that I was joking when i said only come to the office to use the computer.

So Lulu’s plan was coming together Lerato and Dikeledi were taken by his charm and generosity. The problem was simple, those two operated under the direct instruction of Tebza Zwane, the Aries. Lulu knew that his chances of an outright victory in loyalty wars would be near impossible. His path to the top would be embarrassment or partnership of convenience. The first option had the very real possibility of getting out of hand, with Lerato being called in to administer retribution. A partnership on the other hand would very expensive ………something had to give.

In the meantime third term had kicked off with bang; the winter ball was on the way.
You could feel the optimism and romance in the air, being a school boy comes with its limitations you know, the winter ball was quite a treat. Yet it came with its own challenges, the first hurdle as always was getting the chick story sorted among the boys. For obvious reasons some of the guys were not as well versed at seduction being school boys and all, so we had to set the ground rules to avoid squabbles when the dust settles. The ground rules are simple:

Number 1: “she is not your chick until she’s your chick “The most simplest rule on paper but the most complex and most important of them all. No one was allowed to break this rule.

Number 2: “once she’s off your list she’s off your list” This rule follows on the idea of fairness to those guys who were not interested in the top quality merchandise. So the boys who were aiming for the top prize, i.e. Dikeledi and Tebza had to declare their withdrawal from certain races, especially if the girl was below average and one of the other chokers is trying he’s luck out with her.
Once the ground rules are set the weak are cast aside and brute power come into focus, as always I had my inside man thingamabob, Lulu was going to take me all the way , I was resolute , Tebza was mine come hell or high water.

This was going to be a challenge there were other dudes also in the running or wanted to get in on the mix. One of my greatest rivalries had its beginnings here, sideshows were for kiddies Tebza was billed to be my fiercest battle and I was firmly focused on the conquest.
He promised to take me all the way to the land of milk and honey. Lulu’s ingenious plan to weaken Tebza’s grip on her enforcers revolved around my ability to snare the notorious Tebza. Imagine the nerve of this cat, thinking he could use me to drive his agenda.
Well of all of this was easier said than done. Plans were laid out, a strategy was set in motion the competition must be removed or alienated. Lulu, my secret weapon was a master tactician, his motto was simply “you can depend on delicate planning and immaculate timing, everything else including luck is bullshit”.
Lulu had it mapped out like a battle strategy, foes were identified, weaknesses noted. Lulu didn’t miss a beat he even created little profiles and cheat sheets in case I was in a stare down with a foe. The cheat sheet was a guarded playbook with cards of each opponent, almost like a baseball card: strengths and weaknesses, background facts, Lulu was coming in handy.

Thabang Mhinga, the little maggot was first out the blocks as it turns out this matric punk was head of the organising committee and had all the down low on the arrangements and was hoping to be the first to catch, the PHAT little worm that was Tebza. A smart move but unfortunately for him, Lulu had seen him coming, Lulu had noticed his nervous stupidities around Tebza, scratching and talking irrelevant shit and making crazy small talk. (sorry if i sound a little sensitive, this guy o ne angtina blind, spilli , mpimpi ya ndarkie, di mane na re rekisa ko makgoweng, le ithari le ele kante bari e le buysitse. Ha rere Tla! ke mrs Jones , the principle le mpimpi)- im so mad I wont even translate this

Anyway back to the story, so Lulu spots this punk getting ready to strike and like magic! a player card on Thabang emerges from Lulu”s trusted pink von Dutch pouch thing, he carried all the time, ey whatever. So it turns little Thabang you used have a thing for jerky jerky sessions in the girl’s bathroom in his previous school, I don’t even know where Lulu fished out the 4-1-1, but I wasn’t asking questions, nobody was going to ask my Tebza out before me.
Thabang never saw Lulu’s comment coming, one second we discussing some bullshit while wading through the crowds to get to the scene of Thabang’s last moment of integrity. I made towards Tebza under Lulu’s instruction, as I went in for the hug, Lulu rattled on as if we were just discussing the of a story of a certain Thabang from a certain school in Potchchefstroom, who was expelled for lude behaviour, Tebza chirped in that “Thabang is from Potch” and asked Thabang if he knew the story or whether Lulu was just telling more stories. Thabang froze for what seemed like hours, like deer caught in headlights, wide-eyed and stupid all rolled into one school boy’s face.
“Eh this guy ha serious”, Tebza in her ghetto best, I couldn’t stop grinning, joining forces with Lulu was paying off already .
I’ve never seen such a dramatic cough in my life, he coughed like sick dog, he even starting tearing up, in all his confusion he ran into the girls bathroom and a massive roar of laughter went up simultaneously from all the people who had overhead Lulu and witnessed the dramatic cough and Thabang’s eventual demise.

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6 thoughts on “Chapter 3: The Aries

  1. I bet you Lulu graduated into a certain journalist for Sunday World – Shwashi if not into a Dr.Love from Soweto TV!

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